I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
