Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i have two assholes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
