FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
