I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have already put on my inside pants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize