I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
