Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
