So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
