Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
