This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize