Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
