"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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