so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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