were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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