When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
