apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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