I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If that was your dad, he is hot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
