My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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