She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dignity is for republicans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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