Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
