ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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