I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
