He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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