OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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