five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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