Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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