I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
