kristin has been a bad kristin
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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