In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
