i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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