I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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