Soap is not a condiment
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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