Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
