The maid of honor just puked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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