3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
