I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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