i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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