The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
