i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
