yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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