Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
