I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
