Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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