I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
