Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
