My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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