no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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