Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
do nipples grow back?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
