i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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