Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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