How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
