Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
