"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize