if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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