I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
