I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
