Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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