how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
