Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
