Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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