Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
