remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
