So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
