you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
