Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
