bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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