"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
