i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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