I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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