No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
