Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
