You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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