Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
