I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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