what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
