I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
