do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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