I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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