I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
