my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
