I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
