Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
