She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
