I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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